Sunday, March 28, 2010

Underwater Breathing

More than once, my mom, having noticed some weird look in my eyes or just using her mom-ESP, has looked at me and asked, “What’s the matter?” And I’ve responded by bursting into tears. Unable to articulate why I’m upset or sad, I repeat, “I’m fine – really,” while the water-works suggest otherwise.

So it’s been lately, and so it is that I’m writing about it. While I’m fine – really – I’ve felt underwater for reasons both within and outside of my control. I’m not sure how to make it better. But my mom’s been in Mexico the past week, my dad’s been in Kenya for the past month, and my grandma’s been through the wringer the past twenty-one days; maybe I can allow myself to feel sad & scared & overwhelmed for a little bit and not analyze it to death. Instead, focus on what is within my control and the many positives in my life.


Extremely Average said...

I am sorry that you have been feeling sad and scared and overwhelmed. I don't have any combination of words that will wrap them around you like an old worn blanket and hug the fears away.

You write exceedingly well. I suspect you have a brilliant imagination, based upon the post you craft, and perhaps you can form a picture of the place you would like to be? Perhaps you could write a story, befriend the characters, help them through their trials and tribulations, and in the process feel less scared, and more impowered.

But as I said, I really don't have the answers. I do wish you well.

August said...

Thanks - it's much appreciated, and I'm doing much better now. As I wrote, whenever I can put things into words, then I can begin to deal with them.