Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Public vs Private Voices

I usually kept a diary when I was little. I would never ever ever let anyone read it, but I always wrote with the assumption that someone (my mom? my brothers?) would sneak a peek. I would sprinkle my entries with asides that were addressed to that violator of my privacy. "Today at school I got hit in the head by a four-square ball," I would write. Then I would add, "You think that's funny, whoever you are?" I didn't intend for there to be an audience, but in the back of my mind, I wrote as if there were one.

And so it is with this blog. I write my little blog anonymously. I don't give my real name, and I don't share, specifically, where I teach or which library I work at. There is a freedom that comes from that anonymity: I've spoken about my hopes, my fears, my politics, and my family without really worrying about what others think.

Judging by my recent blog stats, I see that I may not be as anonymous as I'd thought. On the one hand, this terrifies me. In the classroom and at the library, I want to project authority and confidence. Many of my words here undermine that. But on the other hand, my words demonstrate, I hope, my honesty, my love of writing, and my sincere belief that each of us is a work in progress, open to growth and new ideas. For me, writing is a way to explore those ideas. We can't change the past, but we can reflect on it and make changes for the future.

Anyway. We shall see.

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