Friday, January 1, 2010

Looking forward

Being born in 1980 makes the math easy. When I was a kid--this tiny little creature with a tendency to hide in corners or behind her mother's skirt--I could quickly calculate my age and imagine what kind of grownup I'd be. Wow, in the nineties I'll be a teenager, I'd thought. In the two-thousands I'll be in my twenties! (Ha, I remember wondering what they'd call these first years of the new millennium; they never really figured it out). And man, in the twenty-tens? I'll be in my thirties!

I didn't understand how to be a teenager, how to put on and take off different identities, seeing what fits; I hate looking back, seeing how unhappy and uncomfortable I was, and wishing I would have just relaxed. But the twenties? I learned to use a different measuring stick. I didn't have to compare myself to other people; rather, I had to determine the shape of my own life. Now it's the decade of my thirties, though ego forces me to note that I'm not, technically, in my thirties yet.

What will this decade bring? You know, it's scary and exciting having absolutely no idea. Fifteen years ago, and silly as it seems now, I couldn't imagine that there would be boys who like me. Ten years ago, I certainly wouldn't have envisioned myself teaching at a college or even working in a library. Five years ago, I didn't see myself returning to this idea of me as a writer. And exactly one year ago, after finally breaking free of a relationship I'd hung on to for far too long, I didn't anticipate what an exciting year 2009 would be, from weekly wine tastings to visiting other continents.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next.


george rede said...

All the best to you in in the Tens. I hope you'll have lots to look back on with pride when you sit down to write another Looking Forward post on 1-1-20.

Extremely Average said...

Such a wondeful post. I have a hope for the 10's for you. I hope you will continue to write. You craft beautiful blog posts.

For the 10's I have decided to try blogging, partly inspired by 'Perfect Sands'.

I ususlly post here as Ecocandle or Brian Meeks, but I will be blogging as 'Extremely Average' I hope you will pop over and check it out.