Monday, January 11, 2010
Wash, rinse, repeat.
I had a flashback to 1994 this morning. When I woke up, I couldn't open my right eye - my bad eye. It's the one that doesn't blink quite as quickly as the left eye, or that droops a little lower when I'm tired. It doesn't look up or down too well, either. I see the asymmetry in pictures, sometimes, especially if I'm mid-blink. But otherwise it's not noticeable, as far as I know. Anyway, I had suffered some optic nerve damage from my accident back in '94, and my inability to open my right eye this morning convinced me that the nerve damage had worsened and that my eye would be stuck closed forever and ever.
My fourteen-year-old self found it very amusing that my right eye was my bad eye - my "evil" eye. After all, left was supposed to be sinister, and my left eye was awesome! According to other sources, the word "sinister" is derived from the Latin sinistr-, meaning "on the left side or inauspicious." But a little digging (er, well, typing words into google) reveals how left, and particularly left-handedness, came to be associated with evil.
I may play it cool, but my mind jumps to the worst possible scenario. My life is built for quiet, full of structure and routine. In that empty space, though, I find room to entertain these thoughts. To become anxious and excited. But then everything settles. Tomorrow is our last composition class for the quarter, and students take their final exam. As I write and revise questions, I worry about making them too hard, afraid that I haven't taught them well enough.
Edited to change "close" to "closed" and "worse" to "worst"...